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Are you coachable?

Some people don’t fail coaching… they resist it while pretending to engage. That’s dangerous, because they then damage the reputation of coaching itself.

So let’s get practical.

PART 1: 100 QUESTIONS TO DETERMINE IF SOMEONE IS COACHABLE

Use these as a diagnostic tool (intake, discovery, or self-reflection).

Self-Awareness

Do I believe I am part of the problem?
Can I clearly describe what’s not working in my life?
Am I willing to hear things I may not like?
Do I reflect on my behaviour regularly?
Can I admit when I’m wrong?
Do I notice patterns in my life?
Am I open to feedback without defending myself?
Do I know my emotional triggers?
Can I sit with discomfort without escaping it?
Do I take responsibility for my outcomes?
Do I blame others frequently?
Can I identify my limiting beliefs?
Do I avoid looking at hard truths?
Am I honest with myself?
Do I seek growth or validation?
Can I separate facts from stories?
Do I understand my values?
Do I recognise when I’m sabotaging myself?
Do I listen to understand, not respond?
Do I question my own thinking?

Willingness to Change (21–40)

Do I actually want to change—or just feel better?
Am I willing to do uncomfortable work?
Will I act on insights, not just discuss them?
Am I committed beyond motivation?
Will I change habits, not just ideas?
Am I willing to invest time consistently?
Do I follow through on commitments?
Am I open to new perspectives?
Will I try things that feel unnatural at first?
Do I expect quick fixes?
Am I patient with the process?
Will I take ownership of actions between sessions?
Do I expect the coach to “fix me”?
Am I ready to let go of old identities?
Will I prioritise growth over comfort?
Do I resist change even when I say I want it?
Am I willing to experiment?
Do I fear failure more than stagnation?
Will I do the work when no one is watching?
Am I consistent or sporadic?

Responsibility & Ownership

Do I take responsibility for my results?
Do I blame circumstances?
Do I make excuses?
Am I willing to be held accountable?
Do I keep my word?
Do I show up prepared?
Do I honour commitments?
Do I track my progress?
Do I accept consequences?
Do I take initiative?
Do I rely on external validation?
Do I wait to be told what to do?
Do I own my decisions?
Do I admit when I haven’t done the work?
Do I seek clarity when confused?
Do I take corrective action quickly?
Do I avoid responsibility when things go wrong?
Do I make commitments I can’t keep?
Do I follow through under pressure?
Do I see myself as the driver of my life?

Relationship with Coaching

Do I trust the coaching process?
Am I open to being challenged?
Do I expect coaching to be comfortable?
Do I show up fully present?
Do I engage honestly?
Do I hold back information?
Do I test the coach instead of working?
Do I want transformation or validation?
Do I respect the coach’s role?
Do I expect advice instead of insight?
Do I implement feedback?
Do I come prepared with reflections?
Do I treat coaching as a priority?
Do I cancel sessions frequently?
Do I blame the coach if I don’t get results?
Do I stay committed when it gets hard?
Do I resist being stretched?
Do I want accountability?
Do I avoid difficult conversations?
Do I engage between sessions?

Resistance & Defence Patterns

Do I justify my behaviour often?
Do I deflect when challenged?
Do I intellectualise instead of feeling?
Do I argue to be right?
Do I shut down emotionally?
Do I avoid responsibility with humour?
Do I resist feedback?
Do I get defensive quickly?
Do I play the victim?
Do I expect sympathy instead of change?
Do I seek agreement over truth?
Do I avoid accountability structures?
Do I quit when it gets uncomfortable?
Do I sabotage progress?
Do I say “yes” but act “no”?
Do I resist structure?
Do I fear being seen fully?
Do I avoid commitment?
Do I reject what challenges me?
Do I want growth—or just relief?

PART 2: WHEN TO TELL SOMEONE “I CAN’T HELP YOU”

This is where most coaches fail—they keep trying to “save” someone who is not ready.

❌ You SHOULD WALK AWAY when:

1. Zero Ownership

Everything is someone else’s fault
No personal responsibility whatsoever

👉 Coaching requires agency

2. Chronic Excuses + No Action

Talks well, does nothing
Repeats the same problems every session

👉 Insight without action = stagnation

3. Wants Validation, Not Change

Seeks agreement, not truth
Gets defensive when challenged

👉 That’s therapy avoidance disguised as coaching

4. Blames the Coach

“This isn’t working” but hasn’t done the work
Projects failure externally

👉 Dangerous for your reputation

5. Inconsistent Engagement

Cancels sessions
Doesn’t show up mentally or physically

👉 Coaching only works with consistency

6. Hidden Agenda / Dishonesty

Withholds truth
Performs instead of engages

👉 You can’t coach what’s not real

7. Addiction to Comfort

Avoids all discomfort
Rejects any stretch or challenge

👉 Growth = discomfort

8. Energy Drain / Misalignment

You feel drained, stuck, or ineffective
No movement despite effort

👉 Trust your intuition

HOW TO SAY IT (PROFESSIONALLY)

You don’t reject the person—you reject the current readiness level.

Here are clean, powerful ways to say it:

“I don’t believe I’m the right coach for you at this stage.”
“Coaching requires action between sessions, and I’m not seeing that yet.”
“I think you may need a different kind of support right now.”
“I’m noticing a gap between intention and action—until that shifts, progress will be limited.”
“I’d rather pause than continue without results for you.”

FINAL TRUTH

“Coaching doesn’t fail people.
People fail the coaching process when they’re not ready to take responsibility.”

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