Contracting

CCC – Foundation

• Establishes a clear coaching agreement.

• Creates a safe and confidential coaching environment.

• Clarifies the client's agenda.

• Identifies preferred learning style.

• Summarises agreements.

• Explains confidentiality.

CSC – Deepening Practice

• Moves beyond administration into meaningful contracting.

• Explores why the client's issue matters.

• Clarifies expectations and implications.

• Reviews and updates agreements as coaching progresses.

• Deepens understanding of how the client learns and works.

CMC – Mastery

• Treats contracting as an ongoing, dynamic process.

• Aligns all stakeholder agendas where applicable.

• Co-creates measurable success indicators.

• Continuously evaluates whether coaching is serving the client.

• Re-contracts fluidly in response to changing needs.

• Explores learning preferences, motivation, readiness for change, and response to challenge.

• Invites continuous reflection on learning, growth, accountability, and outcomes.

This version reflects the developmental progression expected by COMENSA: CCC focuses on establishing the coaching agreement, CSC deepens and manages the agreement, and CMC demonstrates mastery by using contracting as a continuous, strategic coaching competency rather than a one-time administrative task.

Communicating

CCC – Foundation

The coach demonstrates attentive listening and asks open-ended questions to understand the client's situation.

Expected behaviours include:

• Gives full attention.

• Listens to what the client says.

• Uses the client's language.

• Asks open-ended questions.

• Helps the client explore their agenda.

• May occasionally ask questions from the coach's own perspective.

CSC – Deepening Practice

The coach moves beyond listening to the words and begins listening for meaning.

Expected behaviours include:

• Listens for context, emotions, values, beliefs, and experiences.

• Recognises patterns in the client's language.

• Uses deeper, more reflective questions.

• Keeps questions centred on the client's agenda.

• Generates greater insight and self-awareness.

• Avoids leading the client towards the coach's preferred solution.

CMC – Mastery

The coach listens at multiple levels and uses questioning to create transformation.

Expected behaviours include:

• Listens to both what is said and what is not said.

• Notices emotions, silence, energy, assumptions, and incongruence.

• Challenges limiting beliefs respectfully.

• Uses questions that evoke awareness rather than provide answers.

• Helps clients discover their own options and solutions.

• Facilitates lasting learning, behavioural change, and transformational insight.

• Ensures every question serves the client's agenda rather than the coach's curiosity or expertise.

The Developmental Shift

• CCC: "I hear what the client is saying."

• CSC: "I understand what the client's words mean within their context."

• CMC: "I hear the words, the silence, the patterns, the assumptions, and the possibilities—and my questions enable the client to transform their own thinking."

This progression reflects COMENSA's expectation that coaching develops from effective communication (CCC), to deep client-centred exploration (CSC), and finally to masterful listening and awareness-evoking coaching (CMC).

Building Trust and Rapport

CCC – Foundation

The coach establishes rapport and creates a safe coaching environment.

Expected behaviours include:

• Demonstrates empathy.

• Notices tone, pace, pitch, and emotional expression.

• Invites the client to share their background.

• Builds initial rapport.

• Creates a respectful, comfortable, confidential coaching environment.

• Begins developing trust.

CSC – Deepening Practice

The coach intentionally develops trust and psychological safety throughout the coaching relationship.

Expected behaviours include:

• Listens to both verbal and non-verbal communication.

• Notices body language and emotional cues.

• Deepens rapport without losing focus on the client's agenda.

• Maintains a consistently non-judgemental coaching presence.

• Uses observations to enhance understanding.

• Builds trust continuously rather than only at the beginning.

CMC – Mastery

The coach intentionally manages trust as a dynamic element of the coaching relationship.

Expected behaviours include:

• Creates deep psychological safety.

• Balances empathy with appropriate challenge.

• Notices subtle changes in trust, openness, confidence, and emotional safety.

• Reflects observations objectively to increase client awareness.

• Discusses trust openly when it is absent or weakening.

• Enables clients to explore vulnerability, uncertainty, and difficult conversations safely.

• Uses coaching presence to support transformational change while maintaining professional boundaries.

The Developmental Shift

• CCC: "I help the client feel comfortable."

• CSC: "I intentionally build trust throughout the coaching relationship."

• CMC: "I continuously manage psychological safety, trust, and coaching presence so the client feels safe enough to explore, challenge, and transform."

This reflects COMENSA's developmental pathway from establishing rapport (CCC), to maintaining trust through skilled presence (CSC), and ultimately to masterfully managing the coaching relationship as the foundation for transformational coaching (CMC).

For a COMENSA coach, the key is not just doing these things, but being able to demonstrate the behaviours verbally in a coaching session. Here are natural phrases you can use without sounding scripted.

1. Establishes a clear coaching agreement

Things you can say:

• “Before we start, what would you like to achieve from our conversation today?”

• “What would make this conversation valuable for you?”

• “What would you like us to focus on during our session?”

• “How will you know, by the end of our conversation, that we have achieved what you wanted?”

• “Would you like me to mainly listen and ask questions, or would you also like me to offer observations when appropriate?”

• “Is there anything you would specifically like from me as your coach today?”

• “Are you happy for us to work with that as our focus for today?”

• “If something else comes up that feels important, we can decide together whether to explore it.”

Strong evidence: You and the client jointly establish the purpose, outcome and boundaries of the session.

2. Creates a safe and confidential coaching environment

Things you can say:

• “This is a space where you can speak openly and honestly.”

• “There is no judgement here.”

• “You are free to explore whatever feels important to you.”

• “I may sometimes challenge your thinking, but I will do so respectfully.”

• “If I ask a question that doesn't feel useful, you can choose not to answer it.”

• “You remain in control of what you want to explore.”

• “How comfortable are you with where we are sitting and the environment around us?”

• “What would help you feel completely comfortable during our conversation?”

• “You don't need to have everything figured out before we start.”

Strong evidence: The coach demonstrates acceptance, respect, non-judgement and psychological safety.

3. Clarifies the client's agenda

Things you can say:

• “What's most important for you to explore today?”

• “Of everything that's happening, where would you like to start?”

• “What would you like to take away from today's session?”

• “What is the real issue underneath what you've just described?”

• “Which part of this feels most important to you?”

• “If we could make progress on one thing today, what would it be?”

• “What would you like us to focus our attention on?”

• “Is this something you want to solve, understand, decide or simply explore?”

• “What would be different for you if we explored this successfully?”

Strong evidence: The agenda comes from the client rather than the coach deciding what should be discussed.

4. Identifies the client's preferred learning style

Rather than simply asking, “What's your learning style?”, make it practical:

• “How do you tend to learn best?”

• “Would it help you to talk this through, write things down, visualise it, or explore it through questions?”

• “When you're trying to understand something new, what usually works best for you?”

• “Would you prefer me to ask questions and let you discover the answer, or would an observation from me be useful?”

• “Would you like to explore this by talking it through or by looking at some specific examples?”

• “Would a visual representation help you make sense of this?”

• “Would you like to experiment with a different approach and see what you learn?”

• “How would you like to approach this conversation?”

Strong evidence: The coach adapts their approach to how the client prefers to explore and learn.

5. Summarises agreements

At the beginning:

“So, if I've understood you correctly, we're going to focus on your relationship with your manager, and by the end you'd like greater clarity about how you want to approach the conversation. Is that right?”

During the session:

• “Let me pause and summarise what I'm hearing.”

• “We've identified three important things so far…”

• “You started by saying X, and now you're recognising Y. Have I captured that accurately?”

• “It sounds as though your priority has shifted. Would you like us to follow that?”

• “Are we still working on the outcome we agreed at the beginning?”

• “What we've agreed so far is…”

At the end:

“We agreed at the beginning that you wanted to leave with clarity about your next step. Where are you now in relation to that?”

Strong evidence: The coach checks understanding rather than assuming their interpretation is correct.

6. Explains confidentiality

A strong COMENSA-style explanation could be:

“Before we begin, I want to explain confidentiality. What you share in our coaching conversation will be treated as confidential, within the boundaries of the professional and ethical requirements that apply to my coaching practice. I won't share the content of our conversation with others without your permission, except where there is a legal or ethical requirement to do so. If we're working within an organisation, we can also clarify what, if anything, may be reported back to the organisation. Do you have any questions about confidentiality?”

You can also say:

• “What we discuss here is confidential.”

• “I'd like us to agree what confidentiality means for you as well.”

• “Are there any concerns you have about confidentiality?”

• “If there are organisational requirements around our coaching, let's clarify those before we begin.”

• “I want you to understand the boundaries of confidentiality so that you can make an informed choice about what you share.”

A powerful opening that demonstrates several requirements at once

You could use something like this at the start of a recorded COMENSA assessment:

“Before we begin, I'd like us to establish what would make this session valuable for you. What would you like to achieve today?”

“What would you like me to provide as your coach — mainly questions and reflection, or would observations be useful as well?”

“I'd also like this to be a safe, respectful and confidential space where you remain in control of what you choose to explore. I'll respect your confidentiality within the professional, ethical and legal boundaries of coaching.”

“How do you prefer to explore things when you're learning or gaining insight — through talking, questions, visualising, writing, or another approach?”

“So, if I've understood you correctly, our focus today is [client's agenda], and you'd like to leave with [desired outcome]. Is that what you want us to work on?”

“And if something else emerges during the conversation, we'll decide together whether it is relevant to today's agenda. Are you comfortable with that agreement?”

This single opening gives you observable evidence for agreement, safety, confidentiality, agenda-setting, learning preference and summarising agreements without making the session sound like a checklist.

For COMENSA, you want to move from “What are we going to talk about?” into “Why does this matter, what does the client want, and how should we work together?”

1. Moves beyond administration into meaningful contracting

Instead of only saying “What would you like to discuss?”, use questions such as:

• “What would make this coaching conversation genuinely worthwhile for you?”

• “Why is this important to you now?”

• “What would you like to be different as a result of our work together?”

• “What do you want from me as your coach?”

• “What do you need from yourself to make this coaching successful?”

• “How would you like me to challenge you when you become stuck?”

• “What would you like me to do if I notice something you're not seeing?”

• “What should we both commit to during this coaching relationship?”

• “How will we know that our coaching is working?”

• “What would make you say, ‘That was a really valuable coaching session’?”

Strong COMENSA evidence: The coach and client establish a two-way partnership, not simply a topic and appointment time.

2. Explores why the client's issue matters

Go beneath the presenting issue.

• “Why does this matter to you?”

• “What makes this important at this point in your life?”

• “What would achieving this give you?”

• “What would change for you if this were resolved?”

• “What is at stake for you here?”

• “What are you hoping this will make possible?”

• “What does this situation mean to you?”

• “What is it about this that matters most?”

• “If nothing changes, what concerns you most?”

• “What would achieving this say about you?”

• “What value or principle is connected to this?”

• “Why now?”

Deepening follow-ups:

“And why is that important?”

“What does that mean for you?”

“What's underneath that?”

“What matters most about that?”

These are particularly useful because they move from problem → meaning → values → desired change.

3. Clarifies expectations and implications

Make the implicit explicit.

• “What are you expecting from this coaching?”

• “What are you expecting from yourself?”

• “What would you like from me that you haven't experienced from other coaches?”

• “What might get in the way of achieving that?”

• “What happens if you don't address this?”

• “What might change if you do?”

• “What could achieving this mean for other areas of your life?”

• “What are you prepared to do differently?”

• “What responsibility do you want to take for the outcome?”

• “Is there anything you expect me to do that we haven't discussed?”

• “What might you need to let go of to move forward?”

• “What are the possible consequences of the choice you're considering?”

Powerful contracting statement:

“I want to make sure we're clear about what you're expecting from me, what you're expecting from yourself, and what we're both committing to. What would you like that agreement to look like?”

4. Reviews and updates agreements as coaching progresses

This is where many coaches miss the COMENSA evidence.

Don't establish the agreement once and forget it.

During the session:

• “We've moved into a different area. Is this still where you want to focus?”

• “You originally wanted X. Is that still the priority?”

• “Something different seems to be emerging. Would you like to explore that?”

• “Would you like to stay with our original goal or follow what has just emerged?”

• “What feels most valuable to explore now?”

• “Are we still working towards the outcome we agreed?”

• “Has your desired outcome changed?”

• “Would you like to change our agreement for today's session?”

• “What would be most useful for you at this point?”

• “Shall we pause and renegotiate our focus?”

At the end:

“We began with the goal of X, but we've discovered Y. How would you describe what you now want from this session?”

Strong evidence: The coach demonstrates that the agreement is dynamic and co-created, rather than a fixed contract.

5. Deepens understanding of how the client learns and works

Don't treat “learning style” as simply visual/auditory/kinesthetic. Explore how this particular client thinks, reflects, decides and takes action.

Ask:

• “How do you normally approach a challenge like this?”

• “What helps you think clearly?”

• “How do you know when you've had an insight?”

• “Do you tend to think things through internally or by talking them out?”

• “What helps you move from insight into action?”

• “How do you prefer to receive challenging feedback?”

• “What happens when you become stuck?”

• “What helps you get unstuck?”

• “How do you normally make important decisions?”

• “What kind of questions help you think differently?”

• “Would you prefer me to challenge your assumptions or give you more space to explore?”

• “How do you know when something feels right for you?”

• “What helps you remember and apply what you've learned?”

• “What conditions help you do your best thinking?”

• “What have you learned about yourself from previous situations like this?”

Particularly strong coaching sequence

You can demonstrate several of these competencies with a natural sequence:

Coach: “What would you like to achieve from today's session?”

Client: “I need to have a difficult conversation with my manager.”

Coach: “What makes that conversation important to you?”

Client: “I'm tired of feeling overlooked.”

Coach: “What would being recognised change for you?”

Client: “I'd feel like my contribution actually matters.”

Coach: “So there's something deeper here around feeling valued and having your contribution recognised. Is that what you'd like us to explore?”

Client: “Yes.”

Coach: “How would you like me to work with you today? Would challenging questions be useful, or would you prefer more space to think things through?”

Client: “Challenge me.”

Coach: “Great. And if I notice an assumption that might be limiting you, would you like me to bring it into the conversation?”

Client: “Yes.”

Coach: “We originally said the outcome was preparing for the conversation with your manager. Having explored what's underneath it, would you now like the outcome to be greater clarity about what you actually want from that conversation?”

That is much stronger evidence than simply saying:

“What would you like to talk about today?”

It demonstrates meaningful contracting → significance → expectations → client preference → working agreement → evolving agenda.

For COMENSA CMC Mastery, the language needs to demonstrate that the coach is not merely being nice or empathetic. The coach is actively monitoring and managing the quality of trust and safety throughout the relationship, while still challenging the client when appropriate.

1. Creates deep psychological safety

Things a CMC coach can say:

• “You don't need to have the answer before we explore this.”

• “We can slow this down if that's what you need.”

• “There is no expectation that you have this figured out.”

• “You can disagree with me at any point.”

• “What would help you feel safe enough to explore this honestly?”

• “Is there anything you're holding back that you don't yet feel comfortable saying?”

• “You are in control of what you choose to explore.”

• “We can stay with this, move away from it, or come back to it later.”

• “What would make this conversation feel safer for you?”

• “You don't have to protect me from your real experience.”

Mastery indicator: Safety is treated as something the coach actively monitors, not something assumed because the coach is friendly.

2. Balances empathy with appropriate challenge

The coach doesn't simply validate everything.

Empathy:

“I can hear how difficult that has been for you.”

Then challenge:

“And I'm wondering whether the way you're describing it might also be keeping you stuck?”

Or:

“I appreciate how much this matters to you. Would you be open to me challenging something I'm noticing?”

Then:

“You said you have no choice, but earlier you identified two possible choices. What do you make of that?”

Other useful phrases:

• “Can I offer an observation?”

• “Would you be open to a different perspective?”

• “I want to challenge you, while still respecting where you are.”

• “What I'm about to ask may be uncomfortable. Are you willing to explore it?”

• “What would happen if we questioned that assumption?”

• “What are you not wanting to acknowledge here?”

• “What might you be avoiding?”

• “What truth might be difficult to say out loud?”

The important part is contracting for challenge rather than imposing it.

3. Notices subtle changes in trust, openness, confidence and emotional safety

Instead of ignoring changes in the client's behaviour, reflect them neutrally.

For example:

“I've noticed that your responses became shorter when we moved onto this topic. What's happening for you?”

“A moment ago you were speaking very confidently, and now you've become quieter. What are you noticing?”

“I'm noticing some hesitation. Does that fit with what's happening for you?”

“You seemed very energised when you spoke about that, but your energy changed when we moved to this subject.”

“I noticed you laughed just then, but what you're describing sounds quite difficult. What's happening underneath the laughter?”

“I'm noticing that you're looking away and taking longer to answer. What are you experiencing right now?”

Key CMC principle:
Observation ≠ interpretation.

Instead of:

“You're clearly afraid.”

Say:

“I'm noticing your voice became quieter and you paused for quite a while. What are you noticing?”

That leaves the meaning with the client.

4. Reflects observations objectively to increase client awareness

Useful structures:

Observation + curiosity

“I'm noticing X. What do you make of that?”

Change + curiosity

“Earlier you described this as exciting, and now you're describing it as frightening. What's changed?”

Pattern + exploration

“I'm noticing that each time we get close to discussing your role in this situation, you move back to what the other person did. What do you notice?”

Contradiction + curiosity

“You said you want greater responsibility, but you also said you don't want anyone depending on you. What do you make of that?”

Emotion + awareness

“As you talk about this, I notice your energy changes. What are you experiencing?”

Avoid presenting your interpretation as fact.

Instead of:

“You're sabotaging yourself.”

Use:

“I'm noticing a possible pattern that may be getting in the way. Would you be willing to explore it?”

5. Discusses trust openly when it is absent or weakening

This is very strong CMC evidence.

If the client becomes guarded:

“I'm sensing that something has shifted between us. Am I picking that up accurately?”

If the client challenges the coach:

“It sounds like something I said didn't land well with you. I'd like to understand that. What happened for you?”

If the client appears uncomfortable:

“I wonder whether I've pushed too hard. How was that experience for you?”

If trust appears to weaken:

“I'm noticing some distance between us that wasn't there earlier. Would you be willing to talk about what's happening?”

If the coach makes a mistake:

“I don't think I understood you correctly there. I'd like to acknowledge that and try again.”

Or:

“I may have made an assumption about what you meant. Tell me how you experienced that.”

And importantly:

“What do you need from me right now to feel comfortable continuing?”

This demonstrates that the coach is willing to make the relationship itself part of the coaching conversation.

6. Enables vulnerability, uncertainty and difficult conversations safely

Don't rush to make discomfort disappear.

Try:

• “Would you be willing to stay with that feeling for a moment?”

• “What is difficult about saying that out loud?”

• “What are you afraid might happen if you acknowledge that?”

• “What would you say if you knew you wouldn't be judged?”

• “What's the conversation you're avoiding?”

• “What would you really like to say to that person?”

• “What makes that difficult to say?”

• “What are you uncertain about?”

• “What would it be like to not have the answer yet?”

• “Can we make some space for not knowing?”

• “What becomes possible if you allow yourself to be vulnerable here?”

• “What do you need in order to explore this safely?”

A particularly powerful CMC question:

“What would you be willing to explore here that you wouldn't normally say out loud?”

7. Uses presence to support transformational change while maintaining boundaries

The coach isn't rushing to fill silence.

Sometimes the most powerful intervention is:

“Take your time.”

Or simply:

“I'm here.”

Then allow silence.

Other examples:

• “I'm noticing something important is happening for you. We don't need to rush past it.”

• “What is emerging for you right now?”

• “What are you becoming aware of?”

• “What are you seeing differently?”

• “What has shifted for you during this conversation?”

• “What are you now able to see that you couldn't see before?”

• “What choice becomes available to you now?”

• “Who do you want to be in this situation?”

• “What would acting from that place look like?”

But professional boundaries remain clear:

“I can support you in exploring this, but I'm not going to make the decision for you.”

“That's important, and I think it may be outside the scope of coaching. What support might be appropriate for you?”

The CMC-level conversation

A mastery-level coach might sound like this:

Client: “I don't think I can have that conversation with my boss.”

Coach: “As you say that, I've noticed your voice has become quieter and you've looked away. What are you noticing?”

Client: “I'm scared.”

Coach: “Thank you for saying that. What feels most frightening about it?”

Client: “That he'll realise I'm not as confident as he thinks I am.”

Coach: “So there's something here about being seen as less capable than you want him to believe?”

Client: “Yes.”

Coach: “Would you be willing to explore that with me?”

Client: “Yes.”

Coach: “What are you afraid I might think of you if you tell me the whole story?”

Client: “That I'm weak.”

Coach: “I notice that you used the word ‘weak’. I'm also aware that you're looking at me differently now. What's happening between us right now?”

Client: “I'm wondering if you think I'm weak too.”

Coach: “I'm glad you've said that. I don't want to assume what you're experiencing. Would you like to explore what happened for you when I asked that question?”

That last exchange is particularly powerful because the coach doesn't defend themselves. They make the trust relationship itself available for exploration.

The CMC mastery formula

A useful mental model is:

NOTICE → CHECK → REFLECT → CONTRACT → CHALLENGE → EXPLORE → REPAIR → INTEGRATE

For example:

“I'm noticing…”
“Is that accurate?”
“What do you make of it?”
“Would you like to explore it?”
“Can I challenge you?”
“What's underneath that?”
“How was that for you?”
“What are you taking away from this?”

That is much closer to CMC mastery than simply asking increasingly powerful questions. The defining difference is that the coach is continuously managing the relationship, trust, safety, challenge and client's capacity to go deeper while allowing the client to remain autonomous.